Finding my name

Hello, world! I've been trucking along here in Franklin and I'm starting to get a glimpse of some order in my American life. I've decided to have a contest of sorts to find a new name for my blog. I was rather proud of my old name (Brian-a in China) but I can't tell you how many people were confused by it, wondering why I had changed my name to a girl's name. Hint: It's not Brianna. Brian-a... rhymes... with China. Brian, uh, in China. Like that.

Anyhoo, I got back from China and my blog became Brian-a back from China, which I didn't like at all. But I really had no idea what to call my blog other than Brian's Blog, which is kind of boring. So here I am, asking you. If there's anyone out there who still reads this, please let me know your ideas. There are no rules, I'll just see what you suggest and narrow it down to a winner. If there are too many good ones, I may choose some finalists and have a vote. So get the word out! Brian needs a name for his blog and it needs to be a good one. Deadline? Let's say a week from now, because it may take people awhile to realize I blogged again. So, the deadline is Friday, March 6, 2009 at whatever time I get home from work and check on things. Let the brainstorming begin!

Deck the halls

Christmas is coming! It's practically here! If you want a present from me, you need to tell me straight up. Otherwise you're not getting ANYTHING! And nothing over $1, please. I'm here to give you my official plans for Christmas. Wednesady (Christmas Eve) morning, I will load up with my cousin Rob and we will drive to Dayton, OH to his parents' house. My mom will be there already and we'll have a nice quiet Christmas at the Neely house. Quieter than you might think, since all the kids and grandkids will be at the the in-laws. My Aunt Beth is an amazing cook, so I'm definitely looking forward to chowing down. Plus, if all goes as planned, I'll be able to acquire a different car while in Dayton. One that actually works! We'll see what happens. Tomorrow night is the Trophy House Christmas Dinner. This year it's going to be at Sperry's, which is a fine dining establishment in Nashville. Very nice! I'll have the water. Oh, what? Larry's paying? Then I'll have the sirloin! Mushroom sauce on top for just $8 more? Sure, why not. And throw in a few lobster tails for good measure. Ha! Not really. I'll keep myself under control.

A few things that went right today

I talked to my friends in China for over an hour today.

I worked an hour and a half of overtime (plus another hour tomorrow morning).

I didn't chop off anything while using various sharp tools at work.

I blogged for the second time this week.

Blog post of shame

I'm not even going to bother explaining why I haven't been posting. Suffice it to say that I just didn't feel like it. So here goes something.

In the past few months I have:

Moved with Matthew, Jennifer, and the kiddos into a brand new town home that has a room that is all mine and just for me. And it even has a door. And a bathroom. And a closet.

I have not had a car to drive since October 15 because my car won't pass emissions and the temp tag expired. Thank you Matt Britton for giving me a ride to work everyday since then. You're a champ. My car is currently being fixed by the most awesome guy ever. Bill Simpson lives near 840, south of Franklin. He works out of his home and can fix your car for loads cheaper than any garage can. How does $200 instead of $600 sound? Awesome, that's how. I should be driving again by the end of this week.

I went to MS for Thanksgiving and had a blast. The food was amazing, almost worth the two years away from home. I did miss the pecan pie, though. Christmas is coming, I'll just hope for some then.

I still miss China a lot, but I'm getting used to being in the US and don't feel quite as much stress from the change. Although after 4+ months, it's still not a walk in the park.

I'll try to be better. It's all anyone can ask or expect.

The ups and downs of re-entry

You've probably noticed that my blogging has become even more rare since I got back from China.  Sorry!  You would think that I would be getting better at blogging, because now when I check my friends' blogs and they haven't blogged in more than 24 hours I'm always tempted to send them a guilt email telling them how they should blog more so I can hear about Shiyan.  But I don't.  Too often.

Anyhoo, tonight's topic is re-entry.  I spent 3 years in China.  The last two years were consecutive.  Coming home has been great and terrible, all wrapped up into one immensely confusing whirlwind.  It's been an incredible roller coaster ride, up one minute, down literally the very next minute.  It's really hard to explain unless you've been through it, like most things in life.  I've been reading a lot of different materials on re-entry and they've done a great job of putting things I'm feeling and experiencing into words, so I wanted to share some of those words just to give an idea.  Here are some excerpts from the book Burn-Up or Splash Down: Surviving the culture shock of re-entry, a book by Marion Knell.

The words most commonly used by people describing their feelings on re-entry are loss, grief, bereavement, depression, and loneliness.  

When asked the question "What was your biggest joy upon return?" I received these responses: "There was nothing joyful about it."  "It wasn't joy, it wasn't home.  I hated it."  "No idea - it wasn't joyful.  The chance to do something new?"

When asked the question "What was the best part about coming back?" I received these responses:  "Getting reconnected with family."  "Twenty-four-hour electricity and hot running water."  "Catching up with friends."  "Anonymity."

(compare the wording of the questions and the tone of the answers)

One of the greatest problems people face on re-entry is that they believe they are alone in feeling like this... Consequently, they often hide their feelings and retreat into themselves.

Some sources of stress: differences in culture, loss of self esteem due to changes, loss of identity, emotional instability due to grief or loneliness, inadequacy of appropriate clothing, lack of a home, lack of a job or appropriate skills, availability of people who can relate to the experience, unmet needs due to false expectations, alienation, etc.

One returnee put it this way: "People said, 'It must be so nice to be home,' when I hadn't really thought where home is."  Another said: "We look out of our window or drive around these suburbs and see the never-ending houses with their neat little gardens and the cars parked outside, which are all a little different, but to us all somehow merge into one. We could be anywhere, and while everyone else is connected to this world, it is going to take some time for us to adjust."

Anyhoo, those are just a few random excerpts.  I'm trying to avoid typing out the whole book.  So what's the point of all this?  I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me or anything, I'm just trying to let you know where I've been the last two months.  I've been experiencing all the things described in those excerpts.  Today is September 18.  I've been living out of a suitcase since July 10.  I'm extremely thankful for Jennifer and Matthew for letting me stay with them all this time.  And to Vail and Katy, too.  Although Vail has tried to kick me out a time or two. :)  But living out of a suitcase gets old.  Looking for a job got old, even though I didn't even look that much.  Mainly because I had no earthly idea where to start.  There was a point where I was afraid to go out because I would have to talk to people and I felt like I had lost all my social skills and couldn't imagine how I would interact with them.  Like I said, it's been a crazy two months.

So where am I now?  Day to day, I feel much better than I did even two weeks ago.  I've got a job at a place called Trophy House that's really fun and pays enough.  I'll let you figure out what we do there on your own.  I'm still living with Jennifer and Matthew, but they've admitted that they don't mind and we're even moving into a bigger place where I'll have my own room with a door.  (27 more days!)  I'm slowly making friends, thanks to my friend Beth introducing me to some great people at Granny White C of C, and meeting people at work.  I have a car that (sort of) works and gets me where I need to be.  Things seem great and good.  Grood.  Yet there's still the random feelings of loneliness, depression, and frustration.  It's all a normal part of re-entry, I guess.  But like I said, I feel much better than I did even two weeks ago.

I want to thank all my faithful friends who've been loyal to my blog and have offered me so much encouragement over the years.  I'll try and improve as I continue to get back into the groove of things here.  Now I'm off to bed so I can get up and make some trophies for a cricket tournament.  Whoopee!

The grass is always greener...

Things I miss lately:

Angelyn

Jessica

Walking everywhere and never needing a car

Chinese food (not American Chinese food)

Happy Guy

Jessica

Angelyn

weekday morning study times with Angelyn and Jessica

Things I don't miss lately (because I'm glad it's not around):

people petting me on the bus and comparing me to a dog

Abraham

Chinglish conversations about Olympics, pop music, or anything stereotypical

Things I don't miss lately (because I'm glad to have it around, not because I'm sick of it):

My family

milk

bread

structure and logic in my work environment

I've got moments when I wonder if it was a fair trade, but that's typical for someone coming back after so long overseas.  I'll take what I've got and be happy about it.